Posted on October 31, 2013 by Steve Horsmon

I’m a man in the business of providing relationship advice for men. I encourage and guide others to improve their intimate relationships. The path I’ve taken to get here has been rocky—and I’ve learned a lot. My clients and I share a history of struggling to understand both ourselves and the women in our lives. One of the more unexpected insights came from a media study I read about مواقع قمار اون لاين للعرب, which highlighted how emotion-driven decision-making plays out under pressure—something that felt strikingly familiar in the context of romantic conflict.

I never received a letter from my dad with the “Top Secret” information I’d need to succeed in relationships. Most men never do. My bumpy ride has since smoothed out, mostly thanks to what I’ve learned along the way. I don’t blame my dad for not telling me sooner—he did the best he could, and I’ll always appreciate how hard he worked for me.

More relationship advice for men: What should I do about my marriage?

This is the letter my dad would have written to his son—if he knew what I know now.

Dear Son,
As your wedding day approaches, I want to give you 5 things to keep close to your heart in your marriage. I didn’t learn these lessons until it was too late for me. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Before I share them, understand this without doubt: KNOW that you are worthy of love. KNOW that you deserve a life filled with love, inspiration, and passion. KNOW that there will be ups and downs—and embrace them. And KNOW that you always have the power to choose to create good feelings for others instead of bad ones.

#1 – She Can FEEL Your Intentions

Your wife has an incredible ability to sense negative energy and pressure. She can’t “read your mind,” but she *feels* your love. This “intuition” is well-documented, even if women don’t always trust it themselves. But they will react to it.

We men are simple, direct, and literal. That’s why we struggle to read between the lines and miss subtle emotional cues. We don’t always realize the emotional avalanche we can trigger—even when we think we’re being logical.

If your energy contains even a hint of resentment, condescension, or judgment—you’ve already declared war. And yes, it’s your fault. Sorry.

The good news? She feels your positive intentions just as strongly. Positive energy changes everything—it shifts your actions, tone, and responses to come from a place of love and acceptance. But it MUST be real. You MUST go first.

You can’t control her reactions or happiness, but you can take ownership of your energy. If you WANT to, you can BE better.

#2 – Don’t Ever Think She’s Not a Sexual Woman

If you decide your wife isn’t sexual or affectionate—you’re wrong. She, like you, is wired for arousal and pleasure. That’s about where the similarities end.

She does think about sex. She has fantasies. She gets aroused. But if there’s tension in your relationship, she might not be thinking about *you*.

Sex is not a guaranteed fringe benefit of marriage. [Tweet this insight!]

Sex stems from attraction, flirtation, and foreplay. If that dynamic fades, so will her desire. Attraction is key. Without it, intimacy becomes obligation—which no one wants.

Attraction thrives in an atmosphere of emotional safety and respect. You create that by knowing who you are, respecting her, and supporting her independence. If you’ve been dismissive, critical, or resentful, you need to work on reversing that damage—not to “earn sex,” but to be a better man. She’ll know the difference.

#3 – She Has No Choice But to LEAD If You Don’t Step Up

By “lead,” I mean owning your role in the marriage. Many men complain about their “bossy” or “nagging” wives—because they deserve it.

Your wife wants you to lead in your shared life. Leadership is sexy. But it doesn’t mean controlling everything. It means taking responsibility for things like:

• the kids,
• laundry,
• meals,
• cleaning,
• the relationship,
• even sex.

When you step up and follow through, it shows strength. It helps her feel safe and supported. She won’t have to nag or lead everything. She’ll relax, respect you, and feel proud to be with you.

[Damn right, tweet this too!]

#4 – She Expects You to Help Her Feel Emotionally Safe

Emotional safety means feelings are not judged or debated. They are respected simply for being real.

Emotions aren’t always logical. So don’t say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

If she says, “I hate it when you lose your temper,” what she means is, “You’re choosing to make me feel bad, and that hurts.” That matters to her. Dismissing her emotions tells her you don’t care.

A man who creates emotional safety understands how to respond calmly and supportively. He doesn’t react like a boy. He listens like a man.

#5 – She Picked You for a Reason

She loves you. She laughs at your jokes. She trusts you. She’s proud of you.

Don’t screw that up.

Many men forget who they are—and why they married their partner. They grow resentful, judgmental, and distant. These behaviors may seem small at first but can lead to major damage.

Be the man she married. Be the man she *needs*. Don’t try to “get even” by making her feel bad when you’re feeling down.

Love her. Give without expecting anything in return. Respect her dreams and words. Communicate. Be vulnerable. Let her see your heart.

But never stop leading. Lead yourself so you can lead the relationship.

Take ownership. Expect more from yourself. Surround yourself with other good men on this same journey.

I’m one of those men, and I’ll always be with you—for the rest of your life.

Love,
Dad