Posted on January 7, 2009 by Christina

To be understood is a great gift. You, as the coach, get to give that gift to your partner.

Listening is the first step.  Re-stating and re-phrasing what your partner said is the next step. It confirms that you have heard your partner and it gives him/her an opportunity to clarify. Re-stating and re-phrasing regularly will strengthen the coaching relationship (or any other relationship for that matter) and build trust. Here’s an example.

Let your partner know you are actively listening by re-stating what they say.
Your partner     “I just loving playing sports!”
You                   “Great, I get that you love playing sports!”
Your partner     “Exactly!”

Don’t be afraid to repeat, word for word, what your partner said. They won’t notice unless you do it all the time or do it in a manner that mocks them.

Then, try re-phrasing what your partner said using your own words. Give him/her time to correct you.
Your partner    “I just love playing sports!”
You                  “Cool, I get that you love to get outside and exert yourself.”
Your partner    “That’s true but I most like the camaraderie of sports.”
You                  “Oh, I see. You love playing team sports.”
Your partner    “Yes, but not really competitive sports. I prefer casual sports like summer beach volleyball.”

See the difference between re-stating and re-phrasing? Re-stating is passive. Re-phrasing is active and requires you to interpret things in your own words.

Happy Coaching,

Christina