15 Signs You Might Be In a Toxic Relationship
Subtle aspects of a toxic relationship can sneak up on you.
Relationships can be classified as toxic for a variety of reasons. We tend to think of toxic relationships as physical, verbal, emotional abuse, or cheating. But the subtle aspects of a toxic relationship can sneak up on you.
If you have been, or currently are struggling in a toxic relationship, it’s important to recognize that first… it is quite common and second…it’s really challenging to recognize when you are in one.
Subtle Signs of a Toxic Relationship:
• You second guess yourself often
• You schedule your time always waiting for them to make a plan with you
• When you’re away from your partner you’re stressed about the relationship
• You keep fighting the reality that you aren’t a priority
• You have trouble making decisions without your partners’ approval
• Increased body dissatisfaction
• You’re willing to drop your life on a dime to accommodate your partner
• You simply can’t focus on important things in your life
• You’re constantly trying to save the relationship
• You blame yourself for not being good enough and believe that someone else will make the person happier
• You avoid expressing yourself so as to not rock the boat
Not So Subtle Signs of a Toxic Relationship
• You feel stressed out all the time and it’s affecting your health
• You feel neglected relationships with friends and family suffer
• There is physcial abuse and or verbal abuse
• You’ve lost confidence in yourself or in your life goals
Toxic relationships happen to the best of us
Some people believe that the universe aligns us with the person we experience toxicity with, in order for us to heal the wound that they trigger. And to help us learn how to spot someone who is toxic and RUN THE OTHER WAY…
Rather than one major event ruining an otherwise happy relationship. The worst kind of toxicity is like small doses of lethal poison that accumulate over time.
As the toxic poison invades the body the love and infatuation build as well. By the time the toxicity accumulates to the point where it starts to deteriorate your well-being the love is so strong, walking away isn’t so easy.
So how do you know when to leave a toxic relationship?
You may believe you love this person…you have a history with them, and have reason to believe the relationship could work out under certain circumstances.
The biggest reason why people stay in relationships with any of the above problems is that they believe it is better than nothing. BTN.
Yes, it’s the false belief that having a relationship with someone is BETTER THAN NOTHING.
Ultimately, this belief will wear out your self-esteem. And wear your health down.
You Have Two Choices:
• Avoid the truth, continue living as if the ways in which you are being mistreated are acceptable, and shove it all under the rug. OR
• Accept that you deserve better and change your own behavior within the relationship:
• Draw boundaries
• Express yourself firmly in healthy ways
• Express your needs
Am I REALLY Ready To Walk Away?
Never settle for less than what you deserve and what you dream of in a relationship. What if staying in an unhealthy relationship meant a missed connection with someone who treated you all the ways you ever dreamed of and more?
After a certain point and a certain level of awareness, staying in a toxic relationship for too long is a sign of self-sabotage.
You can list all of the terrible things that this person does, the subtle to the obvious, but once you are aware of the problem and aware of the toxicity, staying is a reflection that you don’t feel good enough for what you deserve.
When you change, everything around you changes.
If your new standards and expression of self don’t yield the results within your relationship that you deserve then it’s time to consider leaving.
Society, your friends, or your family may pressure you to leave at the first sign of trouble. And while there may be many signs along the way, the final sign that it is time to leave a relationship is when you get the courage to walk away. It’s not so far off from quitting an addiction like quitting smoking or alcohol.
This could be a sick feeling in your stomach, a sense of anger at yourself or the person, or just simply fed up. If you leave before you are ready, you’ll be likely to run back to the relationship anyway or feel.
That being said, if you or someone else is being physically hurt or extremely emotionally tortured as a result of said relationship do whatever you need to do to get away from this person immediately. If you don’t have a friend or family to reach out to there are hotlines you can reach out to.
If you are experiencing domestic abuse you can reach out to the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224
Their website, thehotline.org, provides a disclaimer regarding internet history suggesting that if you feel your web use is being tracked it may be a good idea to call the number provided (above and in the disclaimer) rather than proceed to the website.
Here’s the #1 reason you are not leaving your toxic relationship
You have a self-sabotaging thought that you are not good enough. To defeat these deep-rooted beliefs of not feeling good enough you need to train your mind to see and believe that you are.
Here are some tricks:
Give the negative voice in your head who says anything negative about you its own name and identity.
Every time a negative thought comes through your mind or said out loud say, “cancel, cancel.” Then replace it with a positive thought or affirmation to counter.
Write down and say daily affirmations to create the reality that you want. If you want a loving and committed relationship affirm to yourself daily, “I am in a loving and committed relationship.” It’s important to say it as if it has already happened and to NOT say you wish or want to have something otherwise you are putting into the future instead of bringing it into the present.
Be aware of your words and thoughts throughout your day
Once you recover your sense of what you want and what you deserve, it will be easier to walk away.
There may be a phase of constant back and forth in your mind weighing out the pros and cons. It’s an exhausting back and forth committee meeting within your own mind, but it’s part of the process and it’s okay. You’ll know it’s time to make a decision when you make the decision.
No need to beat yourself up for being in the situation. It was put in place for your evolution.
No need to beat yourself up for not knowing if you should stay or leave. The answer will come to you.
Are you constantly second-guessing yourself?
If you are rendered yourself into a constant state of second-guessing all of your own feelings it may take some time to get back to being able to recognize and own your own needs and feelings. So, start small. Start by considering:
What do you want to eat?
What do you want to do during your precious free time?
What moves do you want to make in your career?
What changes do you want to make at home?
What new activities do you want to try?
What do you want to wear?
Practicing answering and living truthfully to your wants and needs may be a muscle that needs rebuilding. The more you do it the easier it becomes!
Before you know it, you’ll know your wants, needs, and boundaries so clearly and deeply from within other people around you will just feel them. And if you do need to communicate what you need, it will roll right off your tongue with ease.
You can apply all of the above to any type of relationship; parent, friend, coworker, employer. If you’re accepting breadcrumbs or worse feeling grateful for them, then it may be time to reevaluate how you value yourself.
2020 isn’t just a new year, its a new decade. It’s a clean slate.
You can create a list or a vision board expressing what you truly desire and want from a relationship. Both are great manifestation techniques.
You have the power to change from within and the power to choose if that gives your relationship the shift it needed to give you all that you deserve or if it means moving on and opening yourself up to something new.
Here’s where I come in. As a Certified Professional Love and Relationship Coach, CPCC, together we will define your core values and make sure you are living them on a daily basis.
When you are not living your core values, you fall into toxic relationships and allow people to mistreat you.
In our work together, we will refine the choices you make with your partners, lovers, and friends to ensure you are coming from an empowered place and not settling for less. You can rise above your limiting beliefs, heal from the past, and move on. AND FEEL AWESOME ABOUT YOURSELF!
Schedule your free 30-minute call here to begin getting your life back and find the person that makes you feel safe, loved and happy.