Dealing with infidelity BEFORE it happens
Posted on October 18, 2011 by CJ Blancett, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
A contrast between the simplicity and complexes of life, then and now.
In todays society, co-habitating is not always done between husband and wife, but also by boyfriend and girlfriend, fiances, and even friends with benefits, and infidelity is viewed and accepted by many as a possible occurance. Regardless to your individual situation, the preservation of intimacy between two can be obtained, and infidelity can be avoided using a practice referred to as proactive initiation. Simply put, infidelity is an event that must be viewed, observed, probed, scrutinized and questioned by all involved, prior to it actually happening in order to combat the actual occurance.
Why would one want to address such a thing when it hasn’t happened yet? “Sounds like a lot of work to put in for a supposition” you may say. Studies have shown that addressing the possibility of infidelity in a relationship prior to it occuring can increase the survival rate of this act by 30 percent, and the chance of it never occuring in your relationship by 70 percent.
Ever had your mom say “don’t let me find out you did so and so” and you’re thinking "why is she telling me this, “I’d never do that”. The reason you didn’t do it may be because she always reminded you not too. This is referred to as proactive discipline.
Normally couples wait until an event has occured before dealing with it, thus making an already stressful situation potentially more damaging.
In my practice, I compare proactively dealing with infidelity to ordering dinner at a brand new restaurant; there’s so much on the menu that you can’t decide, but you know you’re going to eat something.
It is suggested that prior to going to the restaurant the couple obtain the menu and look it over together; the menu being their relationship. At this point the couple discuss what they each like and dislike on the menu, and what they’d add or change about the menu; the likes and dislikes representing their issues in their relationship and what they would do to change these things.
During this phase, it is usually revealed that they have different tastes and expectations of their meal; the meal being the relationship. Now is the perfect time to discuss what would happen should one order something that the other would not agree with, i.e. should one become involved with someone else and how their partner would feel about this.
Complete honesty and acceptance of each others input is the key to the success of this exercise, and anything less will undoubtedly leave all parties involved feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable. Each person must agree to respect the other parties feelings, and remain non-judgmental. Anything less could most likely cause a shut down in communication between one or both parties, or worse, cause one party to deviate from the truth and reveal only answers that they think the other party wants to hear.
Communication is the number one factor necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship. So choosing to talk it out with your partner is good, but choosing to talk it out before it becomes a problem is great.
Take the time necessary to invest in your relationship in the beginning, and you will spend less time trying to maintain it in the end.
