How to Quit Porn for Good

Posted on October 20, 2023 by Gene Huneycutt, One of Thousands of Christian Coaches on Noomii.

There’s a lot out there on how to quit porn. A lot of the advice is shallow or counter-productive. Some advice, though, is really terrible and will result in more emptiness.

There is a fine balancing act between goodness and shame, and the lines often get blurred. I see coaches and counselors offering a sex-positive approach: “Free yourself of shame. If you enjoy the pleasure and are not hurting anyone, nothing’s wrong with what you are doing.” The problem with this is that pornography is not victimless, and promoting voyeurism through pornography as acceptable can be dangerous. Sex addiction escalates, and porn is a gateway to more dangerous forms of sex exploitation.

On the other side, I see many groups and pastors offering a vacant approach: “Don’t do it.” Don’t watch porn. Count your sobriety days so you can judge whether you’re doing a good job or bad. And acknowledge that you are an addict, so you should be on high alert for the rest of your life and create rigid boundaries to avoid temptation. The problem with this approach is that it is so focused on fighting bad habits that addicts jump from one escapism behavior to another. It also can create a culture of shame and fear of shame, which feels terrible and makes a person want to find comfort. Likely through porn.

Luckily, there is a way to wedge between the two approaches:
- Freedom and love rather than shame.
- An abundant life rather than limitations.
- A spiritual core rather than casual sex.
- Beauty rather than porn.
- Real love rather than fantasies about love and sex.
- Earned pleasure rather than lazy voyeurism.

I have seen too many men transform their sex lives to not speak up about this matter. The key to quit porn for good involves a few key elements.

1) A compelling purpose for life and sex
2) Genuine connection where you experience being truly seen
3) Giving back or paying forward to others
4) Constant creativity

If you do not have these elements built in as a lifestyle, you will likely find yourself needing porn or other forms of escapism, whether that is social media, getting hammered, video games, or going down the YouTube rabbit hole.

I advise anyone serious about kicking porn out of their life to not do it alone. Willpower does not work, and will likely result in feelings of shame and futility, which result in porn becoming increasingly attractive.

Here are effective strategies for kissing porn goodbye:

- Enlist a counselor. A counselor who can help you dig into healing work.
- Enlist a coach. A coach who can navigate you through the fog so you can take action with clarity.
- Join a community. A community that has a culture of being honest, vulnerable, and loving.

There are an abundance of resources to help you outgrow porn. Discern which resources will truly help you and which ones will only give you surface-level satisfaction. A leader cannot take you further than they have gone themselves. Find someone who has done their own healing work. Discern which counselors, coaches, or pastors will help you break free and which ones will endorse you simply giving up shame. Giving up shame is important, but only when complimented by solid ethos and growth towards a higher purpose.