The Three-Step Strategy That’s Changing Difficult Conversations
Posted on June 19, 2025 by Lucy Adams BSEd MS PCC, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.
Learn a simple communication strategy (and the science behind it) to tackle tough conversations in your personal and professional life.
Difficult conversations are a challenge—at home, at work, and everywhere between. Whether it’s addressing a boundary, giving feedback, or making a request, these moments often trigger anxiety, miscommunication, overwhelm, or avoidance.
One of my coaching clients, who used to struggle with having hard conversations—especially with her partner—recently told me, “This strategy has changed everything.”
What’s the strategy? It’s a simple, three-step framework I developed to make hard conversations easier to start, easier to stay in, and more likely to lead to resolution instead of regret.
The 3-Step Communication Strategy
Step 1: Briefly explain the situation
Lead with clarity and calm. Avoid long preambles, assumptions, or accusations. Instead, state what’s happening or what you’ve noticed.
Example: “I’ve noticed we’ve both been working late and barely have time to connect during the week.”
Step 2: Offer potential solutions
Shift the conversation from problem to possibility. This shows that you’re invested in finding a resolution—not just venting or blaming.
Example: “Maybe we could set aside 30 minutes after dinner just for us a couple of times a week.”
Step 3: Ask, ‘What are your thoughts?’
This simple but powerful question invites collaboration. It signals that you respect the other person’s perspective and are open to adjusting your ideas.
Example: “What are your thoughts?”
Why This Works
This strategy isn’t just intuitive—it’s backed by communication and psychology research:
1. Brevity reduces defensiveness
When we start with a long or emotional explanation, others often go on the defensive. By briefly and clearly stating the issue, we bypass emotional overload and open the door for dialogue.
Research in interpersonal communication shows that concise statements are more likely to be received without defensiveness than lengthy or ambiguous ones (Gibb, 1961; Rosenberg, 2003).
2. Offering solutions increases psychological safety
Presenting a possible path forward reduces anxiety and makes it easier for the other person to engage constructively. According to research on solution-focused communication, people are more open when they feel a situation is workable, not hopeless (De Jong & Berg, 2012).
3. Inviting input creates collaboration
The phrase “What are your thoughts?” is a non-threatening invitation to participate. It activates a sense of agency and inclusion. Studies in conflict resolution and motivational interviewing show that collaborative language increases trust and mutual problem-solving (Miller & Rollnick, 2013).
How to Start Using It
If difficult conversations tend to spiral or stall for you, try this approach in low-stakes situations first. Practice it with a friend, a coworker, or a partner around a small topic.
Example:
You: “I’ve noticed the dishes have been sitting in the sink longer lately.
I wonder if we could try alternating dish duty every other day.
What are your thoughts?”
Once you get the hang of it, you can use this framework in more emotionally charged or high-stakes conversations. Clients of mine have used it to:
- Ask for more support at home
- Advocate for fair treatment at work
- Resolve misunderstandings with friends
- Give constructive feedback without conflict
Final Thoughts
Good communication doesn’t mean you always know exactly what to say. It means you have tools that help you start, stay, and succeed in the conversation.
The three-step strategy—Briefly explain. Offer solutions. Ask, “What are your thoughts?”—is one of those tools.
Try it out. Make it your own. And let it change everything, one conversation at a time.
References for Further Reading
- Gibb, J. (1961). Defensive communication. Journal of Communication, 11(3), 141–148.
- Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
- De Jong, P., & Berg, I. K. (2012). Interviewing for Solutions (4th ed.). Cengage Learning.
- Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
