Purpose After Service: A Veteran’s Path to Rediscovery Through Coaching

Posted on June 23, 2025 by Eric Pater, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

My transition from the Army to civilian life was a battle I didn’t expect. After a celebrated retirement—surrounded by family, friends, with a lakeside dream home, and career dreams—I felt on top of the world. But within a year, everything shifted. A divorce forced me out of my home, leaving me separated from my children. The sudden loss of my brother in a car accident, and then my mother during heart surgery deepened my grief. Financial strain hit hard in an expensive New Jersey, draining my retirement savings and pension. I felt like the leader I’d been in the military—once in command of my fate—had lost everything.

I threw myself into finding a new career, taking a job in Manhattan with a grueling 90-minute commute. My Army-honed resilience told me I could overcome this, but the corporate world felt foreign. As an HR trainer, my leadership skills were seen as a threat, not an asset. Colleagues valued my approach, but supervisors blocked efforts to grow the team, prioritizing company protection over people. When the department “downsized,” I left, disillusioned. Other jobs followed—a stint with the Census Bureau, then a role at a VA hospital running training programs. I hoped serving veterans would restore my sense of purpose, but bureaucracy took its toll. At one VA, I worked alone in a two-person job for a year due to unfilled positions, burning me out. Even a fresh start at another VA couldn’t rekindle the camaraderie and mission I’d known in the military.

Amid these struggles, a personal breakthrough emerged. I found the courage to come out as gay, embracing my identity after years of conflict with my religion and traditions. My children, now in high school and middle school, noticed a positive change in me and offered unwavering support. Meeting my partner—now my companion of 12 years—brought light to dark days. Yet, the weight of loss, financial stress, and unfulfilling jobs fueled depression and anxiety. I volunteered and tried part-time work, but nothing filled the void. The NJ Department of Labor’s Veterans Assistance Programs promised opportunities, but bureaucratic delays stalled progress. At my lowest, I leaned on the Veterans Crisis Line, grateful for their support.

Desperate for change, I took a leap and hired a life coach—a fellow veteran who understood my struggles. His approach, grounded in shared military experience, clicked instantly. Through mindfulness, journaling, and gratitude, I uncovered forgotten strengths and new perspectives. He helped me answer a lingering question: why was I so unfulfilled in civilian jobs? I’d been chasing the unique camaraderie of military life, where bonds are forged in shared sacrifice—a rarity in corporate settings. No corporate job would replace the purpose I had in the military. This realization, gained through coaching, was a turning point.

Coaching didn’t erase my challenges, but it gave me tools to navigate them. Daily planning, intention-setting, and reflection became habits I still use. Gratitude, though hard-won, shifted my outlook. I learned to value my leadership skills and work ethic, not as burdens, but as gifts. Inspired, I earned a certification in Life Mapping and Veteran Development from the BlueRio Institute, a program tailored to veterans. This training rekindled my Purpose After Service: helping others navigate their transitions as I had.

Now, I run my own coaching practice, guiding veterans through the complexities of civilian life. My journey taught me that purpose isn’t lost—it’s rediscovered through reflection and support. If you’re a veteran seeking your own Purpose After Service, I’d be honored to help you find your path. Reach out to explore how coaching can light the way.