The Battle Within: Unraveling the Mystery of Personal Conflicts
Posted on July 13, 2025 by Anil Kanthi, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Why we fight inside and out, and how to turn conflict into clarity
I’ve often found myself pondering — Why do couples fight? Why do family members clash? Why do colleagues argue at work? Why is the world riddled with conflict? And more intimately, Why do I fight with myself?
These questions aren’t just idle thoughts but essential to understanding the layers of human misery we’ve constructed around and within ourselves.
To address these conflicts, I’ve had to ask myself, “How can I fight with myself?” It seems like a contradiction because to fight, there must be two parties, right? But here’s the twist: I’ve realized that within me, there are indeed two aspects — the part that acts on instinct and memory and the part that seeks peace and understanding.
I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationships, whether with a partner, a boss, or a parent. We get so entangled with the memories of each other that when conflict arises, it’s not just the present situation we’re dealing with. Our minds are excellent at keeping these memories alive, painting even past good deeds in a negative light to fit the current emotional state.
This cycle reaffirms our biases and deepens our identification with these patterns, making every future encounter seem like a replay unless we wake up to this dynamic.
I’ve gone through phases where I’ve defended myself so vehemently that recognizing my patterns became nearly impossible. But here’s what I learned: recognizing these patterns is simpler than you might think. It’s about asking yourself:
How do I think?
What do I think about?
How do I react?
What triggers my reactions?
How do I behave around others in conflict?
Observation became my tool.
I learned to watch my thoughts and reactions without judgment. It’s futile to look at others’ behaviors because, let’s face it, we can’t control or change them. Instead, I’ve taken every problematic situation and person as an opportunity to check in with my mind.
This practice has made it second nature to see that what others say or do is more about them than me.
Conflicts, I’ve come to understand, are inevitable.
Expecting two people, even from similar backgrounds or environments, to always agree is not grounded in reality. It’s a blindness to human individuality. I’ve had to wake up to my reality first to see my mind for what it is, and in doing so, I’ve begun to free myself from the chains of my perceptions.
This clarity has allowed me to engage with life more consciously, choosing how I respond rather than reacting out of old patterns.
It’s a continuous journey that has transformed my understanding of conflicts from inherently negative to a pathway toward personal growth and connection.
