Set Boundaries Without Guilt: 4 Mindset Shifts for the Recovering “Nice Girl”

Posted on August 03, 2025 by Maria Rei, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

If you’ve ever said “yes” when you meant “no,” kept the peace at the expense of your sanity, or prioritized everyone else’s needs above your own—this is for you.

Setting boundaries can feel hard when your self-worth has been wrapped up in being liked, needed, or approved of. But here’s the truth: Healthy boundaries are how we create healthy relationships. Period.

Let’s shift the mindset that’s been holding you back:

1. Boundaries are not walls—they’re invitations.

When you set a boundary, you’re not pushing people away. You’re showing them how to love you better. We’ve been taught that boundaries are cold, selfish, or controlling. But the truth is: healthy boundaries are acts of clarity and intimacy. They let others know how to be in healthy connection with us. They create safety—not just for you, but for the relationship itself. A relationship without boundaries is like a house with no foundation—it might look okay for a while, but eventually, it starts to crack.

Boundaries say: this is how I feel safe, this is how I stay whole, and this is how we can thrive together.

2. Your needs are not a burden.

You’ve been trained to believe that taking up space is selfish. But your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. If you grew up in a home or culture where being the “good girl” meant being low-maintenance, agreeable, or emotionally self-sufficient, then voicing your needs might feel unnatural—or even wrong. But denying your needs doesn’t make you easier to love—it makes you invisible. And you were never meant to be invisible.

When you honor your needs, you teach others to honor them too. And the right people will never be scared off by your truth.

3. Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

That knot in your stomach? That’s not a red flag. It’s a sign you’re rewriting decades of conditioning. Guilt is a natural byproduct of healing when you’ve been conditioned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort above your own. It’s not a signal to stop—it’s a sign you’re breaking the pattern. The first few times you set a boundary, it might feel excruciating. But with every “no” that honors your truth, you soften the guilt and strengthen your self-respect.

Guilt is just a growing pain of liberation. Feel it—and keep going.

4. Boundaries prevent resentment.

Resentment is what happens when we keep saying yes to things we don’t have the capacity for. You might think that constantly giving makes you kind or loving—but when it’s coming from a place of depletion, it’s not love. It’s an obligation. And over time, that obligation turns into resentment. You start to feel unappreciated, taken for granted, or even angry at the people you once loved to give to. Boundaries protect your energy so that what you give is rooted in choice, not pressure.

Saying “no” is often the most loving thing you can do—for you, and for them.

The next time you feel the pull to people-please, pause and ask yourself: What would self-respect do? And then—act from that place.

Because boundaries aren’t built in a day. They take practice. They take courage. They take a hundred tiny decisions to choose yourself in moments when it would be easier not to.

Some days it will feel empowering. Other days it may feel clunky, uncomfortable, or uncertain. But every single time you choose to uphold a healthy boundary—no matter how small—you’re building a new reality rooted in self-worth. It’s an evolution, not a performance. And yes, it gets easier with time.

You’re not doing it wrong if it feels hard. You’re just doing something radically new. And that is worth celebrating. Always.