How do we know if our expectations are reasonable?
Posted on October 07, 2025 by Ben Henry, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
We all carry expectations: of others, life, and ourselves. What happens when they quietly rule us? Explore how to manage them with awareness.
While each client I work with is unique, there is a common thread that runs through so many of my coaching sessions: expectation.
We have expectations of others, and for the most part we consider these reasonable: to listen to us, to trust us, to treat us fairly. But how do we know when the expectation becomes unreasonable? To remember our birthday, our anniversary, the names of our pets and children; to show us patience when we’re late, or tired, and support us when we’re struggling… even when they are struggling too. The expectations differ based on the relationship, of course, and that becomes a minefield of its own. What more would you expect of your partner compared to your closest friends?
We have expectations of life. We expect it to be sunny on our wedding days, sports days and holidays (we know it’s silly, but we do); we expect the roads to be clear and the printer to work and that Whatsapp message to just… bloody… send. We expect these things because we are programmed to spot patterns, and if the pattern breaks and something lets us down, we don’t appreciate it.
And then there are the expectations of ourselves. If that fool at school can get a six-figure salary and that weird guy at the gym can get married, and he can get promoted and she can get pregnant, why can’t we? It’s not just that we want these things. We expect them.
We expect ourselves to have more energy than we have (despite what we’re eating and how many hours we’re sleeping) and we expect to be happy at least 99% of the time (unless that character dies).
Every day, we expect more of ourselves and others, and more of life, than could ever be considered reasonable. But it’s not our fault. We’d still be living in caves if we didn’t have high expectations. We’ve just forgotten how to manage them.
When we learn to identify our expectations, to drag them from the subconscious and into the light, we can choose which expectations to act on, and which to let go.
If this resonates with you and you want to start exploring your expectations now, finding a little clarity and more peace in your day, drop me a message.
[As always, not written with AI. Yup, ‘resonates’ was all me…]
