5 Ways to Process The Pain When Your Married Man Betrays You…Again

Posted on January 08, 2026 by Mitzi Bockmann, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

I am guessing that, if you are reading this article, your married man has let you down again. Maybe he has made promises that he hasn’t kept or not been there when you needed him or maybe even decided to walk away from you. And I am guessing that you are feeling a pain that is worse than anything that you have ever felt before. (Or at least since the last time he did this to you)

I am so so sorry. I have been there and I know that it HURTS!

Being betrayed by a man who says that he loves you can make you feel like your world has been turned upside down, leaving you with intense emotions and a shaken sense of trust. Even if you know that letting him go might be the best thing that you can do for yourself, the emotional pain that you are feeling is real and can have lasting effects on your mental and physical health. But healing is possible.

Here are some steps that you can take to get you on the path to letting go of the pain and move on.

1. - Accept What Happened

The first step in healing from your married man’s betrayal is acknowledging the reality of what has occurred – even when it hurts. Denial might feel easier in the moment, but it only delays the healing process. Research highlights that avoidance strategies often make recovery more difficult. ⁶ Acceptance doesn’t mean you condone what happened or forgive right away – it simply means recognizing the impact the betrayal has had on your life.

“Accepting these feelings is the first step to recovery.”
– School of Modern Psychology ⁴

I know that it might seem scary, but acknowledging your emotions fully is what sets you up for deeper healing.

Betrayal often stirs up a whirlwind of emotions – anger, sadness, shock, fear, or even shame. ⁵ Instead of suppressing these feelings, it’s important to allow yourself to experience them. Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT Institute, puts it succinctly: “Face it, feel it, heal it.” ⁶ By naming what you’re feeling – whether it’s rage, grief, or insecurity – you can take away some of their power by fully feeling those feelings.⁵ This acknowledgment becomes the first step toward practical healing.

While feeling your feelings is important, it is important that you not feel these feelings every minute of every day. We often get, oddly, addicted to feeling the pain of the betrayal. We feed that pain by talking to our friends or desperately looking on TikTok for other people who have been betrayed. All of those things are good, in the beginning, but focusing on it will only keep you from healing. Look for positive things as well – things about living happily ever after!

So, feel those feelings, and then let them go!

2. - Write Down Your Feelings

When emotions feel overwhelming, writing them down can bring a sense of relief you might not expect. There is something incredibly powerful about getting thoughts that have been swirling around in your head out of there and onto paper where you might be able to make sense of them.

Writing things down also offers a safe space to pour out raw emotions without fear of judgment. In fact, research shows that just four days of expressive writing can improve happiness for months and even reduce doctor visits. ⁹

“Journaling can help validate and process your emotions, offering clarity and a sense of relief. It’s an effective way to manage negative thoughts and gain insight into your mental health.”
– Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center⁷

By acknowledging your feelings and exploring them on paper, you can begin to make sense of your inner experience. This isn’t about perfect grammar or structure – just set aside 15–20 minutes and let everything flow. Write about the anger, confusion, hurt, or even physical symptoms like tension or trouble sleeping. Seeing these connections on paper can help you grasp how deeply the betrayal has impacted you.

If you’re not sure where to start, try prompts like: “What am I feeling right now?” or “What patterns do I notice in my past relationships?” Asking “what” instead of “why” keeps your focus forward, steering you away from getting stuck in endless rumination. You could also use writing as a way to picture your future self – what does life look like after healing? Who do you want to become?

For a symbolic release, consider writing down the most painful details of your experience, then destroy the paper – burn it, flush it, or toss it into the ocean. This physical act can feel like taking control and letting go of the trauma’s grip.

Writing down your emotions doesn’t just help you process the pain – it sets the stage for protecting and nurturing yourself as you continue to heal.

3. - Practice Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises

Mindfulness and deep breathing can ground you in the present moment, especially when betrayal stirs up that overwhelming fight-or-flight response. While these practices won’t erase the pain, they can help you acknowledge your emotions without letting them take over. A study in the journal Mindfulness surveyed 94 adults who had experienced infidelity and found that those with stronger mindfulness skills were more likely to forgive and less likely to seek revenge. ¹⁰

“Those with strong self-compassion skills tend to embrace their turmoil without over-identifying with it.” – Researchers, Mindfulness Journal ¹⁰

I know that idea of mindfulness is overwhelming and perplexing but, if you start small, you too can take advantage of its benefits.

Start with a 10-minute deep breathing practice. Find a quiet spot, sit comfortably, and take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it for a moment, then exhale slowly through your mouth. ⁷ This simple exercise helps soothe your stress response and provides quick relief when emotions feel overwhelming. And when your thoughts inevitably drift back to the betrayal, don’t judge yourself – just gently bring your focus back to your breath. ⁷

For moments of intense stress, try the exaggerated breath technique: inhale for three seconds, hold for two, and exhale for four .¹¹ Research has shown that just 15 minutes of focused breathing can significantly reduce emotional distress, even when faced with upsetting stimuli.¹¹ Did you know that, when we are stressed, we stop breathing. This is why its so difficult to think clearly or process our emotions because our brains are literally struggling to survive.

The goal here is to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Instead of spiraling into questions like, “Why did this happen?” shift your focus to the present with questions like, “What am I feeling right now?” or “What do I need to feel secure?” ⁵ This approach keeps you anchored in the here and now, where true healing begins. By focusing on your breath and staying present with your emotions, you regain a sense of control over your recovery journey.

4. - Take Care of Yourself

Betrayal doesn’t just hurt emotionally – it impacts your body too. Studies reveal that 70% of women dealing with betrayal by their married men experience PTSD symptoms. ¹² This kind of trauma often shows up physically, leading to headaches, fatigue, insomnia, and even digestive issues. Moving your body isn’t just about staying fit; it’s a way to release the trauma stored deep in your tissues and nervous system.

The key is finding the right type of movement for what you’re feeling. If you’re grappling with anger or rage, high-intensity activities like boxing or running can help channel those intense emotions. On the other hand, if anxiety has you feeling on edge, gentler options like walking, stretching, or yoga can calm your system and help you feel safe again. Licensed therapist Rebecca Capps highlights this balance:

“Self-care after betrayal can include eating balanced meals, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy” ²

Somatic practices can also help you reconnect with your body. Techniques like “butterfly tapping” (crossing your arms and rhythmically tapping your shoulders) or focusing on the sensation of your feet as you walk are simple yet powerful tools. These practices help regulate an overactive nervous system and create a deeper sense of grounding and self-awareness.

Incorporating regular physical activity into your life reinforces your recovery. Building a routine – even just 20 minutes a day – can help restore a sense of control. Each day will be a small but meaningful step toward rebuilding trust in yourself. Each time you show up for your body, you’re proving to yourself that you’re capable of moving forward.

5. - Create Boundaries to Protect Yourself

After being betrayed by your married man. it’s important to safeguard your emotional well-being by setting clear boundaries – both with the person who hurt you and with yourself. This is one of the reasons that it’s important to go NO CONTACT, to not communicate with him in any way shape or form. Dr. Bruce Y. Lee describes it well:

“Allowing the betrayer to influence your post-betrayal processing can be like inviting the defense attorney into a jury’s deliberations” ¹

NO CONTACT extends to social media use. It is very important that you unfriend or unfollow your person and do everything that you can do to not stalk them. See what they are doing or saying will only set you back with your healing. (And remember – what people post on social media are the things that they want people to see, not the truth about how they may be feeling.)

Personal boundaries are just as important. Make sure that your married man knows that they too must go NO CONTACT as well. No reaching out to wish you a happy birthday or to tell you how much they miss you or, even worse, that they are going to leave their wives (which they won’t). It is important that they know that you need this for your mental health – and that it’s time they stop putting their own needs first!

Boundaries are powerful tools for reclaiming control over your life. But remember, healing happens on your terms and timeline. As the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center explains:

“Setting boundaries helps protect your emotional space, allowing you to rebuild trust on your terms” ⁷.

I know that you want the pain that you are feeling to go away right now.

And I wish that I could make that happen for you. Unfortunately, recovering from betrayal isn’t a straight path – it’s a cycle.

These five strategies – acceptance, journaling, mindfulness, exercise, and setting boundaries – work together to help you regain control of your life. Each step plays a role in moving you forward, even if progress feels slow at times.

Above all, treat yourself with kindness. As Dr. Margaret Paul emphasizes, gentle self-compassion is essential for letting go of emotions like anger and heartbreak that can otherwise remain stuck and even impact your physical health. ⁸ Without this kindness, it’s hard to truly move on after a breakup.

It’s also important to remember that betrayal leaves its mark on both your mind and body. ³ Rebuilding trust – whether with others or yourself – requires patience and at the same time consistent effort. ^{3 1} There’s no universal timeline for healing, so give yourself the grace to heal at your own pace. Rushing the process often does more harm than good.

Healing from betrayal is within reach, but it starts with small, intentional steps. Focus on what you can control today – whether it’s practicing self-care, setting healthy boundaries, or simply showing yourself the compassion you deserve. Every step forward matters.

Remember, if you need someone to help you on this journey, reach out. I can offer you an obligation free session that could really make a difference! You can get through this and you will!