The World Is… A LOT Right Now, but your Relationship can't Always Wait for Calm

Posted on March 22, 2026 by Dr Anna Stratis, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Raise your hand if you’ve spent at least part of Sunday re-checking the news to see what fresh chaos had landed overnight. What had been tweeted or signed or launched, what had collapsed or escalated — again — while we were trying to rest.

I have.

But even while I’m giving in to this compulsive need to “remain informed” of what seems like a runaway train that’s only picking up speed, I realize, in these moments, that I am diverting my attention from the people who matter most to me — the ones I should be present with, during these precious few hours of rest.

There is this ambient anxiety sitting in the background of daily life right now, and for many people it has moved into the foreground. It’s present the moment we wake up, and it is still there when we are trying to fall asleep at the end of a long, hard day. My clients are tense and apprehensive. They are worried about escalating global conflicts, about rising prices, and the uncertainty of their careers. My clients who work in tech and other careers that are front-row to the AI explosion are running at breakneck speed, in all directions at once – it is terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. It really is a watershed moment, where we are in 2026, and the anxiety it produces is not irrational. It is a completely reasonable response to a genuinely uncertain world.

But in the middle of all of this, our relationship intimacy is suffering. It’s a quiet casualty right now, but I project that this could expand to epidemic proportions.

Clients are telling me: We feel like ships passing in the night. We’re just transactional. We deal with the kids, the news, the rising cost of everything — we commiserate, but we’re not actually connecting. We used to be this easy, light, sensual couple and we’ve lost sight of who we are together. Partners lie together at night, side by side in the stress, but they are merely surviving together. They’re not touching as often as they need to — literally and figuratively. It does not necessarily look like a crisis from the outside. There is no explosive daily conflict — just a resigned cooperation, the occasional short fuse. Couples are simply worn down and stretched too thin. They’ve lost connection with who they are together.

Think about how often you’re totally disconnected from your partner — for hours, days — because you’re deep in your screen or numb from preoccupation with everything going on. Remember when you were first dating, you and your partner? Remember that lightness? It is nearly impossible to be open, playful, affectionate, sensual, and emotionally available when you are in a near-constant state of vigilance. It is hard to make love, to flirt, to really see each other, when internally you are just worried.

A quick bio lesson: Sex is intrinsically an activity that requires a state of relaxation and alleviation of stress to engage in functionally. All of those lovely changes that we experience, which facilitate physical pleasure, rely on our parasympathetic nervous system (the neurological functions that happen when we’re safe in our cave, out of harm’s way) having enough space to operate. What kills our ability to get into a pleasurable experience is chronic activation of our sympathetic nervous system (our fight-or-flight, outrun-tigers stress response). But the lions and tigers have been replaced by existential dread from emails, bank balances and news headlines. And it’s crushing our sex lives.

But how do we come off the ledge of this chronic apprehension and stress? We can’t pretend that everything is fine, because it’s literal upheaval. We are living through a massive sea change, in global order, labor markets, financial markets, technology, social trends, the future itself.  

At the same time, I am coaching people not to abandon their relationship in the middle of all of this. Think back to when you could not imagine loving anyone more, when you confessed such intense feelings to each other in writing, when you spoke vows to each other… you really felt like your partner was your ride-or-die, the person you committed to in good times and in bad. I just read with delight this wonderful love story of a couple, now in their 40’s, who first fell in love at the age of 8 and reunited 2 decades later. Could these two youngsters who fought to bridge thousands of miles of distance to be together, could they have imagined letting anything come between their love? Dusting off these beautiful memories can be painful. Our relationship matters more to us than almost anything else, but we struggle to find our way back to each other.   

Life keeps happening. The world keeps being uncertain. A job will end, a new opportunity will arise, an unexpected headline will emerge (anyone thinking of Mary Schmich’s life advice made famous by Baz Luhrmann’s sublime ’97 song called Sunscreen? I just re-read these words that melt over you like warm summer sun, and was glad I did) — the news cycle will always feel more urgent, more end-of-days. If a couple keeps postponing intimacy until everything is calm again, well, calm is unlikely to ever descend on our social media channels. We need to be able to rebuild intimacy and connection in spite of, and inside, a stressful world.

This is the work I do. I work with individuals and couples to help them find their way back to each other in small, meaningful ways that can actually fit within a real schedule and a real life. Because if couples fear that reconnecting means adding a whole new performance to an already overburdened life, they will not do it. So we start where people actually are, and we start with very small steps.

But before we get to action, we have to address that underground reservoir of resentment. It feels so shameful to admit it but it’s more likely than not that some sort of resentment has built up over the years, for needs unmet, for a feeling of unequal division of labor, for cutting words uttered in times of stress. Harboring resentment is normal when you have been hurt, repeatedly, even if your partner never meant to hurt you. It is a futile effort to try to recreate intimacy through date nights or prescribed sexual closeness if there is a backlog of disappointment sitting there like a boulder between you. The emotional debris needs a deep spring clean first. Meaningful connection cannot really take hold without this. But wow, are those tough words to be had! Have you ever tried to raise something that has been sitting heavy on your heart, only to be met with defensiveness, or a shutdown, or a wall of silence?  That’s where hiring a professional can be so crucial, to help broker those difficult but essential conversations.

Resentment does not mean the relationship is doomed — it just means that, in the toxic overwork of our lives, things have gone unattended, and we’ve inadvertently hurt each other (that’s the normal bit, that’s human) without giving space for airing what hurts, and for repair. This is the work I help people do together — confronting these feelings without shame, and without turning it into a courtroom. And what I can tell you is that when it goes well, it feels like relief.  There is something profound about finally hearing your partner acknowledge what you have been carrying, and commit to being more careful and attentive. And yes, it feels scary to hear your own impact on your partner, but that too, ultimately, feels like relief. It is all part of the healing that bridges these huge rifts between partners, and gets us back in the zone where we can rebuild intimacy.

Your relationship is one of the most precious sanctuaries where warmth, steadiness, and refuge can be held. If you are reading this and resonating with the feeling of two people navigating life like ships passing in the night, just know that all is not lost. But it does mean it is time to pay attention. The world is hard right now, truly. But your relationship cannot always be the thing that waits.

If you would appreciate help finding your way back together, reach out for a call.