How To Find & Keep a Healthy Relationship
Interview with Mary by local paper offering advice for singles and those in relationship.
relationship coach | February 23, 2012
Meet relationship coach Mary Scott
From Yvette Francino
Boulder Dating Advice Examiner
I’m going to Diverge from the D-week theme today to share with you a Q&A I had recently with a local relationship coach Mary Scott. Settled in Colorado, Mary now specializes in working with couples and individuals across the country, providing customized coaching and in-depth 90-day programs via phone, Skype/Facetime, and in person.
Q: For singles, what would be your advice on finding a mate?
Honestly, finding a mate is often the easy part—at least for several hours! The hard part is keeping one. That’s why I believe it’s essential to release any limiting beliefs and the more negative feelings we have about ourselves and others before we hope (or expect) another person will love us—and we them.
Most of us bring an invisible “bag” to each new encounter, chocked full of old hurts, frustrations, disappointments, and even anger from our past. Then we unpack it in front of our new mate (much to their chagrin). Sometimes it’s upon the first meeting or many months later; yet, in some fashion, that bag IS unpacked, piece by piece, until huge piles clutter the relationship—and ‘Poof!’ it’s over.
The trick is to unpack it right now—so you don’t bring it into your next relationship—and to look for someone who’s done their work! Chances are, there’ll still be “unpacked” items, but you both might be more willing to clean house together.
Q: For couples, what’s your advice on keeping your relationship healthy?
Whoever the couple is, whatever life experiences they’ve had, or what their differences may be, the number one thing that provides the glue is validation: respecting and honoring what the other says, thinks and feels—even if you don’t agree with that (and often you won’t).
Validating each other’s opinions and feelings translates as acceptance and understanding (what most humans want!) vs. simply listening.
The other vital ingredient is a good dose of humor—delivered with respect, not as a means to drive home why you’re “right”…even if you are!
Q: What’s your favorite date spot in Colorado?
Those who have just started dating might like one of my favorites, the Dushanbe Tea House in Boulder. It’s aesthetically beautiful, spacious and quiet (great for getting acquainted without having to say “What??” every five minutes. Plus, you can order small or larger plates—in addition to exotic teas—so you can do something gratifying if your date rambles on about their last relationship and all the hurts they incurred (a first-date no-no in my opinion).
For people who know each other a bit better, I love Hot Sulphur Springs between Granby and Grand Lake (less than 2 hours from Boulder.) The 17 different pools are clean and affordable ($17.50 for the day). Some pools have waterfalls—an exotic stress-reliever! I’d suggest soaking your bones in a private pool, after a hike up the little-known hillside trail just steps from the Springs. It’s a gorgeous trek amidst pines and Aspen, ending with incredible, vast views at the more barren summit. You’ll most likely be the only ones there…
After your soak, you can end with a massage at the Spring’s spa or visit the charming town of Grand Lake—a great place for dinner and a stroll.
Contact information for Mary:
Mary M. Scott, MSW
Life Coach, Relationship Coach, & Founder of Balance-Out! MindBody Adventure Retreats. Specializing in custom coaching programs for individuals and couples, and advanced stress and trauma release for Veterans and their families.
Ofﬁces in Loveland and Boulder, CO
Tel: (970) 449-3665