My ancient, experienced soul still couldn't forgive her. Then I realized, while working through Building 7 of YOU University, that I had forgiven.
As a YOU University Coach I’m still working my way through YOU University and I’m up to Building 7 now, which is all about cleaning up your past, forgiving those who’ve hurt you in the past, and moving on. I’ve been working through this and noticing some pretty powerful stuff.
Then I was totally blindsided by the most profound thing that’s happened in my healing journey so far. How come such a moment of profundity can occur without my notice? For those of you who have been following my story, you’d remember I’ve spoken about my adopted mother many times. She is a Sadistic Narcissistic Psychopath – in the true clinical sense. A very damaged personality. I came to an understanding about my adopted mother. I “unbound” her negative influence over me and removed her ability to cause me any more harm or upset me in any way. It worked. I literally feel nothing for her now. She cannot hurt me any more.
Using the Love Letter tool, I came to a deeper understanding of her and our relationship, and learned of the wonderful gifts that I received from such a damaging childhood. I’m strong, resilient, loving, etc., everything she is not. But at the end of the Love Letter, I realized that I could not forgive or love her. That was okay. I gave it to God. He is strong and all-seeing. He knows her path and is able to forgive the unforgivable things she’d done and said to me over the years. He also could forgive me for not being strong enough or big enough as an ordinary human being to be able to forgive those things. I was at peace with this.
I went on with my lessons, enjoying my new-found freedom. Within the lessons I was called to look deeper into past relationships, and, of course, that particular relationship was the most profound one of my life – the most damaging. So I looked at it again from a different perspective.
I took the spiritual road. I looked at what it would be like for my mother to have to be such a damaged soul in this lifetime. She is not an old soul. She is relatively inexperienced when it comes to past lives and life experience. This is a tough journey for her. To play this role of psychopath, to tread the path of one who is consumed by hate and bitterness, is not easy. It means you are alone. You have no friends or family as everyone will abandon you. Your only joy in life is to hurt and destroy other people. Eventually, you run out of people. They all stay away. It must be lonely to be trapped inside such a mind. It must be empty to never be able to experience the feelings of love and joy.
Sadness overcomes me when I think of a soul on such a path. I’ve been this person. Actually, I was much worse. I was a man in that particular life and I tortured and killed many people. And, I loved my “work”. I can understand the pain that drives a person to become evil. I can understand the rage that cannot be sated, the hatred that consumes all, the need to make others suffer as you are suffering. It’s sick. It’s twisted. It scars your soul.
My compassion in this life stems from understanding things that some of you are not yet up to understanding. We’re all on our own pathways to enlightenment, and we’re all at different stages. My soul is ancient, experienced, but I still felt I could not forgive. Then I realized, as I worked my way through Building 7 of YOU University, that I HAD FORGIVEN her.
When did this happen? Why had I not noticed?
Had it not been for the powerful tools in YOU University and for my coach, Maia, I would have never learned of this profound happening in my life. I would not have had the tools or knowledge to bring me to this point. I forgave her. I now feel great compassion for such a damaged soul. I can feel her pain. I’m crying tears for her that she’ll never be able to cry for herself in this life. I feel love and understanding growing where there was no hope. This is profound on a whole new level. I really can’t describe how I feel at this moment. Enlightened. Sad. Compassionate. Sorry that I can’t heal her soul. Sorry that she and I will not come to know each other as we truly are – not in this lifetime. Grateful that I came to this understanding. Truly grateful and humble to have the true spirit of forgiveness enter my heart.
Forgiveness makes my journey more complete. It makes me as a person more complete. I am so much more than I thought I could be. I am so grateful for this. My soul sings a new song now. I’ve turned a new corner on my pathway.
Thank you, God. Thank you, Maia. Thank you. Soul Sisters. Thank you, YOU University.