How Authentic ARE YOU?
Posted on June 14, 2013 by Brad Stevenson, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Authenticity itself can be an endeavor full of pitfalls and fears. Some people may not like or appreciate our authentic selves.
We have certificates of authenticity for product purses, specialty coins paintings and other artwork. Back in the times of prohibition, they had a phrase that was used to authenticate the liquor that was being smuggled in from the boats waiting off shore that phrase was “it’s the really McCoy” referring to “real” not water down liquor.
But, as human beings we don’t walk around the streets with a certificate of authenticity in our pockets. So, how do we know when we are the “Real McCoy”, the real deal, how do we know when we are truly authentic? It’s hard for us to know when we are truly being authentic, so how in the heck are other people do know when we are authentic. There are a number of questions that we’ve asked ourselves through our life time and one of the most common question that we keep asking ourselves is
“who am I”?
We ask ourselves this question over and over again during our lives. We know for sure that between the beginning and the end there is an experience that most of us call life. But am I the experience or the experiencer? Am I this mind and body? Am I all of my faults? Who am I? We as human beings have set up most everything that we do in life to determine who we think we should be or what others perceive us to be. So, what do you do for a living? How long have you been doing that? Am I the store clerk, attorney, father, hard case? Am I a product of my upbringing or my environment? I want to change, can I change? And still be me or is it just too late and I am who I am.
You are none of those things. They may be what you do but they do not make you who you are. You’ll indisputably have faults and issues, but they are not you and they do not make who you are. You may be a depressed person but it isn’t your diagnosis. You may be rich, but you are not your credit score. You may even have one of the best resumes on monster.com however; you are not your resume. All of these things are not you because they are changeable there is a part of you that is indefinable and changeless, that does not get lost or change with age disease or circumstance. There is an authenticity you were born with, have lived with, and will die with. You are simply the best and most wonderful you.
It’s not always easy to find out who you authentically are. Most of us play many roles throughout our lifetime. We have learned how to shift roles, but we don’t often know how to look behind them. Behind the curtain to see who is controlling the great OZ! The roles we assume like a husband, wife, happy person, CEO, etc- are not necessarily bad things and can provide valuable models to follow in unfamiliar situations and circumstances. Our true task is to find those parts of our authentic selves that work for us, and those that don’t. We must constantly peel back the layers of life like we would an onion, it may just bring some tears to our eyes but they sure flavor of the soup.
Authenticity itself can be an endeavor full of pitfalls and fears. Some people may not like or appreciate our authentic selves. They may be fearful of what they see within us because it may reflect the lack of authenticity within themselves. Not only must we acknowledge the positives in our lives that we must accept the negatives or the dark side of our life as well. For example, if you’re known as the go to person at home or at work, the leader that always seems to take charge and even when the going is tough, the person that everyone goes to in a time of crisis. But when you’re home alone and nobody else is there, how do you feel?
Being an exceptionally nice person every moment of your life is not being authentic. By stripping away the roles and finding out who we genuinely are- is not a bad thing, it could possibly mean that we had assets within our own lives that we didn’t even recognize. By doing this and you discover that you are not this exceptionally nice person, it’s time to shed that image and be who you are, who you want to be, not who you should be for other people. Many times the pendulum has to swing all the way to the other side, to side of cantankerousness, before it can come back to the middle point where you discover who you really are someone who is nice out of compassion rather than someone who is giving to get.
I recently had a conversation with a man that was discussing his relationship with his wife. He said that he was dating his wife for two years before they got married and that the dating was itself quite wonderful. He then briefly looked me in the eyes and then slowly bowed his head rubbing his hands together and said it now; I’m not sure what happened. Things are just different and definitely not the same as they were when you were dating. He continued as he looked back up into my eyes instead of the she keeps telling me that I’m not the man that she married I’m different I’m just not the same. I’ve tried, but I just don’t know what the heck she’s talked about!
In the beginning of most relationships we have an opportunity to show the person within our relationship just who we are how authentic and genuine we really can be. It’s easy to just be ourselves with no strings attached. We feel comfortable with the fact that the only role that we truly have the play at this particular time is the role of ourselves. unfortunately for some, when we get married and roles begin the new rules are handed down to us from generation to generation from books that we read from TV shows that we watched from watching our own parents or grandparents are family and friends. Those rules of being a father and mother a husband and a wife why should or shouldn’t do what I can and can’t say-how to communicate properly are not communicate properly at all.
Will you need to be a better husband to your wife you need to act this way not like that! There’s a book that you can pick up on parenting it may give you some insight on how to handle that situation. Boy, that churn out the way they do it on TV shows is it? These are just some of the examples that probably happen to you from time to time. We spend more time trying to be what others say we should be than who we really want to be for ourselves. I want to be a good husband to my wife because that’s who I am and who I am is what I’m best at! I want to be a good father, not because my father was a good father but because that’s who I am!
There are many responsibilities with being authentic and genuine. Society itself has put boundaries and perimeters around everything that we do in our lives from what we can say to what we watch to what we do in our lives to the point where some of those lines are becoming greater and greater and harder to see. Most of us have not committed a criminal act, but we do have to work through the darker sections of our personalities. Black and white are apparent; it’s those gray sections that we often hide and reject the “nice” person, the leader, even the victim. These are the gray sections of our phantom self. We can’t work on the deep negativity if we can’t admit that we have a negative side.
If we acknowledge all of our feelings, we can become our whole selves. You might grieve over the loss of these roles, those roles that have been such a part of your life growing up. The roles that have helped us through childhood whether it was being a tough child in an abusive household or the child that everyone thought was so smart but never knew just how much you struggled but by doing so, you’ll know you’re better off because you’re more authentically you.
I have seen many people struggle and even have shut down when they realize they don’t know who they are; trying to get to know themselves for the first time is a intimidating task. They realize they don’t know how to react to themselves as themselves as opposed to the “whom” they think they should be. Take yourself back to a time when your true self your genuine self your authentic self was shining through, when was this time your childhood of course! Children are as close as a human being can be and tell that one big thing happens in that big thing is called life when life starts to affect children their genuine selves begin to fade. Take just a minute and think about this, expectations that have been lumped into the mix have affected your life and your true authenticity since you were a child.
Expectations of your parents, your family and friends, expectations of society, and even the expectations that you have for yourself cloud that line of you were authentic you.
To love yourself is one of the most important aspects of finding your authentic you. As we have mentioned in other articles, the Law of attractions simply states that we attract what we are. So be love yourself. Wake up in the morning knowing that that day you have another opportunity to make history look at yourself in the mirror or write directly in the eyes and say I love the myself and others love me. Pour loving energy into your body to fuel yourself as you go out and face the world. Choose what you’re going to wear with that same loving energy the food that you put in your body, the way that you talk to your spouse to your friends and your family. Tell yourself over and over again through the course of that day I loved me I’m a good person and I will show through me than I am a good person.
Be the master of yourself. Your authentic self comprises of your body, mind, soul, and the power that you possess. When you master yourself, you only think Fox that honor and love you for you and create what it is that you want to create. When you are truly a master of yourself you only speak words that are through trust, honesty, authentic, neutrality, kindness, and surrender. Remembering that no one else is the master over you except for you when you master yourself you begin to master your life and your authentic you.
Excepting yourself as yourself! As you continue a long your journey, surrendering to the highest potential that you can bring forth into this world, you may find that it is not what you have planned for yourself. It’s not necessarily what you wanted for yourself. Being authentic it doesn’t mean that you won’t suffer any more, it doesn’t mean that you won’t go through hardship anymore it’s just that you recognize these situations for what they are. The great Renaissance artists Michelangelo was once asked how he created sculptures such as David. He explained that he simply imagined the sculpture are already inside a block of rough marble, then chipped away the excess to reveal what had always been there. We to must find that shape within us and start to chip away the excess to find our authentic self.
Inside each of us, there is a continuous clash within ourselves because we know there is someone we were meant to be and I should be. And by listening and reading the signs, we can feel when were becoming that person. But the reverse is also true. Because it’s us that were listening to and the signs that were watching for our coming from us, we know when something’s off kilter and we’re not the person were meant to be. By design or not, we are all on the hunt for answers trying to learn the life lessons that are inside each and every one of us. We wrestle with fear and guilt that sometimes paralyze our lives. We search for the meaning love and power and how they will best be played out in our lives.
We try to understand loss, fear and time and the lack of it. We hunt for who we are and how we can become truly happy, and sometimes we seek for these answers in the faces or our families and friends, in religion, or other places where they may reside. Too often, however, we search for them in wealth, status, the perfect career, and other places in and around us, only to find that these answers may lack the meaning we had hoped to find and even bring us despair and disappointment. Following these false journeys without a deeper understanding of their meaning, we are indubitably left feeling empty and lost, believing that there is little or no meaning to life…. to our life and that love and happiness are simply and disappointingly an illusion.
An illusion because we don’t own it we’ve allowed society and our loved ones, and friends to dictate how we act. It is very difficult to maintain your authenticity with all the pressures of society pushing down on you like a Submarine in deep dark water. It is up to us to keep this pressure from imploding us to keep a focus on achieving our authentic are genuine self.
So, how do we find our authentic self -plug it in, tap into its immense power and use it day to day?