Stop Using "FAT" to Hold Us Back!
Posted on November 21, 2010 by Nekisha-Michelle Kee, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Marie Claire’s own Maura Kelly provided a superficial observation when asked her opinion, “Should fatties get a room? (Even on TV?)"
Stop Using “Fat” to Hold Us Back!
Written by Nekisha-Michelle Bakre, MSW
Author & Life Coach
Marie Claire’s own Maura Kelly provided a superficial observation when asked her opinion, “Should fatties get a room? (Even on TV?)” This question was her opinion about obese people making out on television as she was referring to the much talked about CBS sitcom Mike & Molly. This sitcom, if you aren’t familiar with it, is primarily about two plus-size individuals who are a couple and met at an Overeaters Anonymous group (OA).
Kelly makes the following statement, which in my opinion reckless, and among the many she espouses in her editorial. “…I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other…because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything.”
As a life coach, I have to inspire, encourage and redesign the thinking of my plus-sized clients – who believe that they cannot fulfill their life’s dreams and aspiration because they have to wait until they lose weight. I’m sad to say that at one time I was one of them – struggling with myself, struggling with diets, and attending support groups feeling that I was not entitled to being happy. Instead my life was about being fulfilled and living my dreams based on the size of my body and it being deemed as a potential health risk.
I remember electing to accelerate my career through media and choosing radio rather than my passion to be on television because of my size. I remember allowing my business to suffer profits because I was unwilling to attend networking and social events to engage prospective clients because of my weight. I can also tell you about the countless times I blamed not having a serious romantic relationship because I felt no one would want me because of my weight. Oh, and there is the time I was forbidden to be a dancer at my place of worship because of my size.
Not being ready to live fully because of my weight are the lies I told myself and the lies my clients initially believe as we condition ourselves to agree with people like Maura Kelly. However, I became enlightened and now I enlighten others like me that the truth is that being fat is not a pass to hold back our lives, ambitions and dreams. It is not a pass to not be the stars of a nationally recognize sitcom, that by the way shares some really real issues for a culture of people whose life issues show up outwardly in the rolls around the waist and the extra padding on the hips. If we can be entertained by Celebrity Rehab and shows like Intervention then certainly America is ready for Mike & Molly.
Mike & Molly as well as Tyler Perry’s Hit sitcom House of Payne clearly demonstrates that when it comes to Hollywood – plus size individuals are worthy of more than being contestants on NBC’s The Biggest Loser or Oxygen’s Dance Your Ass Off! In fact, from a life coach perspective we can take life lessons and celebrate weight loss sheroes and heroes like Oprah, Mo’Nique, Star Jones, Roseanne Barr, Ruben Studdard and Gabourey Sidibe who did not allow their body size to hold them back from fulfilling their dreams. All I can say is hallelujah and look at them now!
So to all the Super-Star plus-size individuals, whether or not you are in Hollywood, please take to heart these points:
1. Be courageous and be you – live your dreams even when the odds are against you – but redesign your thinking so you can soar above the proposed limitations set by others.
2. You have the right to be happy and fulfilled right now – you don’t have to wait for the decreasing of your body size. People can stop you temporarily but nobody can stop you permanently.
3. You are a star, whether they agree or not. Stars shine regardless! If people don’t like what they see, politely tell them to turn the other way.
In my book, Breaking Invisible Chains, Gaining the Confidence to Redesign Your Life you will find the following words, “Living doesn’t begin until you find your way and find yourself. Fortunately, for most of us, our struggle with the things that hurt us the most connects us to the road that lead to our greater self and our divine purpose.”
So to provide a sensible and real answer to Marie Claire’s question, “Should fatties get a room? (Even on TV?) Why the hell not? Because us “fatties” will no longer be held back! Maura Kelly, we will make room, and earn room, to continue to inspire and educate those who have a limited vision about the beauty of Americans who come in all sizes and shapes.
Who is Nekisha-Michelle Bakre?
As seen on KTLA Morning News Los Angeles, Black Enterprise Magazine, Empowering Women Magazine, she is a best-selling author, life coach, and president of Vivacious Living International. Her book, Breaking Invisible Chains, Gaining the Confidence to Redesign Your Life, is a self-coaching book that details her journey of overcoming being a mother at 14 years old, self-sabotage, fear and chronic unhappiness. For more about Nekisha-Michelle Bakre aka The Life Redesign Queen please visit: