Acceptance – The First Step in Dealing with Chronic Pain
Posted on December 26, 2009 by Elaine Lockard, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
When facing the thought of having chronic pain for the rest of your life, you go through the Five Stages of Grief. So, how do you deal with it?
So, you have been to the doctor and been diagnosed with a chronic pain disorder or illness. To say the least, you are shocked. “Am I going to feel this way the rest of my life?” “I can’t believe there is no cure!” “I’m in so much pain, how do I get rid of it; how do I deal with it?”
In asking these questions, you are beginning your journey through what are known as the Five Stages of Grief.
Why grief, you ask, when you are in pain? It’s because you are grieving the loss of your healthy pain-free life; you want to be whole again. These five stages of grief were first developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 and published in her book, “On Death and Dying”. It is widely held that these stages can and do occur whenever there is a traumatic event in your life such as an illness, loss of a job, or injury to name a few.
The Five Stages of Grief are as follows:
1. Denial – This is the “It can’t be happening to me” phase. Your reflexive response is shock, “not me” and “you must be wrong”. 2. Anger – Once the shock wears off, you realize you are stuck with your situation. You get angry, irritable, possibly resentful. You ask “Why me”, “It’s not fair”, “Is there someone to blame for how I feel?” 3. Bargaining – This stage involves the hope that by making a pact, usually with a higher or spiritual power, you can be cured or at the very least, decrease your symptoms. 4. Depression – During this stage you may feel hopeless, sad, or easily brought to tears. This is an important stage in the process because you start to understand the certainty of your situation. It is necessary to go through this stage so you can finally transition and reach the ultimate last stage; 5. ACCEPTANCEThe word acceptance does not mean giving up or giving in. It is a realization of a fact in your life to be dealt with by adapting and working with what you’ve been given. You understand the changes which have occurred and are ready to do what you can to make your life better. It is the time you decide to take back control of your life.
Going through these stages are very difficult. You may find you bounce back and forth between them, repeat them or may even skip some, but you will always strive to reach acceptance. Why? Because it is in acceptance we find the peace to not only understand and accept our situation, but more importantly to accept and love one’s self again, no matter how damaged we feel we are. Through this new love and understanding of one’s self, we find the strength to move forward with hope, motivation, and determination to find the ways, the paths, to make our life better, happier and more satisfying.
There is no way to know how long it will take you to reach acceptance. The process is different for everyone, and should not be rushed. It must be allowed to occur in its own time, for acceptance is the stage that must be reached to move forward.
Through this re-learning to love yourself unconditionally, you are ready to take your first step to become a person again.
