Let's Talk About Intimacy - Part 5 The Dating Gremlins

Posted on October 05, 2018 by Caterina Barregar, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Soooo. You have likely had a couple of successful dates by now, and are wondering where it is going to go from here.

At this point, some of my clients become very concerned that they are not good enough, or they have nothing to bring to the table.

I get questions like:

What if I am not:

skinny enough

smart enough

rich enough

What if he doesn’t like:

My family

my sense of humour

my pets

where I live

BREATHE

You would not be out on another date, if any off these things mattered.

Believe me.

The most attractive feature any man or woman has in their favour is their confidence and self esteem.

Nothing, and I mean nothing is more attractive than someone who us comfortable in their own skin. It is very attractive when you find someone who loves their life because the most attractive person you will date is the one who doesn’t need you in their life, but instead, wants you there.

Imagine your relationship being like a cake. You are the cake and the relationship is the icing on the cake. The cake is still delicious, and the icing just adds flavour and yummy goodness.

Self esteem, dating and relationships, go hand in hand. When you have lower self esteem, it is more likely that you will play old tapes of how things have gone wrong in previous relationships.

While it is important to learn the lessons from previous dating or relationship experiences, it is also very important to embrace a new lover or potential lover, with open arms.

Watching for red flags, and at the same time being one to new love, is a balancing act. We can get so stuck in what was, or the potential of what could go wrong, that we do not stay in the present moment.

Don’t believe everything you think.

There are times, when we assume certain things about someone, and while they are sometimes true, there are often times when we are simply making stuff up. The best way to manage this, it to actually communicate. Ask questions.

Stop. Stop future thinking.

So many women I know, and have worked with, have been on a couple of dates, and immediately plan their wedding in their minds. They want to be married by a certain date, and begin pushing their potential partner to get closer to them, so that they can make it happen. You must remember that everyone marches to the beat of their own drummer. For some, it will take a moment and for others, it could take yearsbefowre they are able to share their feelings for you and take baby steps forward in the relationship.

On the flip side, I have a very good friend who met her husband online, and travelled to different country to meet him, and marry him on the same day they met. These two are an example of timing. When the time is right, everything will fall into place.

My advice, is to let things evolve over time, without pressure or manipulation on either side. What is meant to be, is meant to be, no matter what.

Relax.

Whether the person you have your sights on turns into a relationship or not, it is so important to be comfortable in your own skin, love your life (with or without a partner) and enjoy yourself.

If you need help with your love life or lack of it, please book a session. Our work together will be transformational for you. Guaranteed.

Blessings,
Caterina Barregar