Communicate Right for a Thriving and Joyful Life.

Posted on November 22, 2019 by Reva Banka, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Someone once said, “all actions have equal or opposite reaction”. Read sarcasm here. This someone was Issac Newton and above statement is his 3rd law of motion. we know that. However, we seem to have either forgotten this very important rule of nature or have limit the use of it to only machine science.

This law is equally useful and meaningful for human interactions. In other words, our communication is directly impacted by Newton’s 3rd law. The way we communicate with others is what drives our relationships and all results associated.

Communication is a soft skill and often neglected as a top skill. With all the academic excellence that our world has achieved and at the speed with which we are entering the era of Artificial Intelligence, communication is still going to be the most needed top skill across the world. I can’t emphasize enough on how important of a skill communication is for leaders, scientists, businessmen, doctors, for everybody.

It is absolute necessity to become an effective communicator for thriving success and joyful life. Good news is, it is a skill the can be learnt and with practice you can become an expert at it.

Push or Pull – When you are in a leadership role, it is a decision for you to make whether you want your team to have a constant push to achieve goals or pull them into optimum performance to reach to desired goals.

While push can work as driving force initially and may be get some work done, it won’t go long way. On the other hand, if you can get your team members pulled into your plans, they will be driven and motivated to perform and own the goal with you. There are ways to create this pull effectively –

When people feel appreciated, they would want to do more than what they have been asked for. Everybody may not be good at everything; however, everybody can be good at something. I mean by no means, you can ask a fish to climb the wall and criticize him/her for not being able to do it. When setting up goal, be reasonable. Keep your team members on mind and allot them tasks based upon their ability. Do not forget to strengthen their ability by timely appreciation/acknowledgements.

But I didn’t mean that! Well then say what you mean. It is important that you be intentional in your talk and anything that you do, whether you are a leader or non-leader. Everything that you speak or do is seen as your intention by others. Now if you come back saying that you did not mean that, that is not going to be acceptable. It will be rather wise to have an intention as you speak or do something.

It is all give and take! Commitments are a huge part of relatioships. If you give commitments, you develop trust and people can depend on you. Or vice versa, if you always end up saying things like, “ don’t hold me for that”, “ I will see what can I do”, “ I do not know if I can be there on time”….and such , people will stop counting on you. You may notice surface reactions like complain, dissatisfaction, anger etc. The key component that you are missing is, you are no longer dependable. These people will no longer look up to you. Think leadership, think relationships.

Leaders without followers. Unfortunately, these are the most common type of leaders that exist worldwide, in offices, in homes, in societies. There is a popular saying, “Leaders who refuse to listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing significant to say.” Often organizations will move high performing executives into leadership role. These new leaders may not necessarily know how tos of leadership. Similarly, at home or societies, people who are higher in hierarchy or such move to leadership role, again may not be knowing how tos. Now all that they set themselves upto or their organizations have set them upto is this tremendous responsibility with goals and timelines. Ironically, rather than thinking through and putting all this talent (team) available to use, they constantly end up shutting them down. That leads them into this one-man army, who is baffled with the pile of work. Whereas this team, buzzing with talent, available to work is sitting there, slogging, frustrated and waiting to get rid of this monster of a boss.

Seriously, think about it, you have this village available. Allow them to speak up and show up and see the magic happen.

Who are you? Have you ever come across this question by others? ” Who are you to tell me this” or” who do you think you are”….and such? People do react to you based upon how you communicate to them. A reality check on self is crucial in here. When asking for help, when requesting for some work to be done, when giving some suggestion or in many other situations, you got to be mindful of how you are communicating. Who are you being when you are speaking about something or doing something. Sometimes it can be a classic case of self-entitlement driving you into miscommunication, sometimes lack of authenticity can lead you into miscommunication. You always need to keep your check on authenticity and avoid self- entitlement at all times.

These are some of the key tips of becoming an effective communicator with self and others. Which in turn will allow you create better life experiences and drive more success.

Last but not the least, remember, you can only be somewhere if you walk long enough. Unlearning old habits and forming new ones will take time. Allow yourself that time for this transition to take place. If you struggle with transition remind yourself,” when people feel appreciated, they will do more than they are asked for”. Do not beat yourself up on what is not working. Be kind to yourself and see what is working and continue your work.