Posted on March 24, 2010 by Stephan Wiedner

The topic of “relationships” is indeed a popular one, because, after all, it’s all relationships! We exist in a world where enjoying even a cup of coffee requires the cooperation and coordination of a myriad of relationships. Whether these are personal or professional, intimate or casual, it serves each and every one of us to truly understand how relationships really work. And it especially serves us to commit to enhancing all of our relationships. If nations did this, war would cease. If individuals did so, love and joy would replace ever so much drama.

So how do relationships really work? It helps to begin with one important fact. The common denominator in all of your relationships is you. Thus any patterns are obviously being created by your repeating choices, hopefully good ones. To be even more accurate, you are actually creating all of your relationships. Without going too deeply into quantum science, suffice it to say that each of us is vibrationally attracting everything we experience. Much of this occurs unconsciously and that is where the trouble starts!

If we are experiencing a difficult relationship, we usually reason that if the other person would just behave differently, everything would be better. We have a tendency to want to change each other. This not only fails to work, but only serves to further the control drama that is already playing out. In his book, The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz clearly explains the fallacy of human relationships which is based on the premise of two people trying to re-mold each other. He aptly notes that we never play out this senseless dynamic with out beloved pets. We do not wish Rover was Fluffy, or vice versa! It would work ever so well were we to treat people likewise.

Diving a bit deeper into why we would get into ugly control dramas with one another, we come upon the concept and practice of “projection.” Human beings are so very prone to see what we expect to see instead of simply observing one another in a neutral fashion. We see life and each other through the lenses of our “stories,” that is, through our life experiences. And what we believe about life, and each other, is projected upon what we perceive. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy which is at the core of our repeating relationship patterns. Vibrationally speaking, we are co-creating relationship patterns by energetically attracting them. Quantum science has proven that we actually create via our perception. Gregg Braden explains all this very simply and clearly in The Divine Matrix. His study of ancient Tibetan wisdom further reveals that there are three Universal Fears underlying Five Mirrors of Relationship. These fears are:

1. Separation and abandonment;
2. Low self-worth; and
3. Surrender and trust.

These, in various combination, result in our projecting these fears into our relationships. He describes five ways that we play out our deepest fears about relationships in our actual relationships. This projection of our fears creates a mirror, within which we can perceive ourselves and hopefully heal our deepest interpersonal wounds.

In short, all roads lead back to us. We create the world we are living in, right down to each relationship in it. This is sobering, but immensely empowering. Instead of creating painful and dramatic relationships, we can create cooperative and joyful ones. The Vortex, by Esther and Jerry Hicks focuses on just that — how to attract all manner of cooperative relationships in every area of life. The key is to be in highest alignment with oneself. This translates to arriving at a high level of self-acceptance and self-reverence. As within, so without. This inner peace and love will literally draw like energies toward it, like a magnetic tuning fork! This is a central energetic law called the Law of Attraction.

This understanding of relationships would be well worth your time and attention to study and practice. Indeed it really is all relationships, and yours are created by you. Try some of this on and watch the magic happen!

About the Author
Victoria A. Vetere, PhD, HC is an Enlightened Life Coach living in Columbus, Ohio. She offers individual life coaching sessions, teaches group classes, writes and speaks about life enhancement utilizing powerful energetic principles blending Eastern and Western wisdom. You can contact her via her website at www.EnlightenedLifeCoaching.com.