Beautiful State Vs. Suffering State, It's Your Choice
Any segment of your life can be approached from a Beautiful State or a Suffering State.
The awareness to your state has a huge impact on your life.
There are two mental states humans live in. They are Beautiful State and Suffering State. I feel privileged to share this tool with you since I have applied it in my life and with my clients and got excellent results.
This tool is about different perspectives on a current event. It is a conscious choice of how to see the world, and I am not talking about viewing the world through positivity glasses. It is about a realistic and honest evaluation of a situation and what can be done to deal with it in the best possible way.
Surely, you are familiar with the half-full glass, or half-empty glass metaphor. It was something that grabbed my attention from an early age. How can the same thing be interpreted differently by two different people? Is your glass half-full, or is it half-empty? Who decides, you or the glass?
Buckle up as we are delving into the two states of mind that can elevate the way you see the world.
What is a Beautiful state?
A beautiful state can mean different things to different people. The beautiful state represents happiness, love, peace, gratitude, curiosity, compassion, optimism, excitement, positivity, etc. While in a beautiful state, the energy levels are high. Some like to call it “peak state,” where a person performs to his/her best abilities.
In the beautiful state, you do the right thing, and no one has to tell you, it feels right. You are grateful for what you already have and comfortable with what others have. You also treat yourself and others with compassion and empathy.
People are more comfortable connecting with others while they are in a beautiful state. Hence, both the coach and the client need to be in a beautiful state to achieve the best results of a coaching session.
When a person is happy, the brain increases the levels of serotonin and dopamine. Most pleasurable experiences involve the release of those chemicals, which play a significant role in a person’s motivation and reward. The satisfaction one feels after achieving a goal is partly due to a rush of dopamine.
They are also known to be at high levels when you are in your peak performance. These naturally occurring chemicals in the brain help you stay calm and focused on a task. Their levels can be affected by lifestyle and thoughts.
A beautiful state is NOT the situation itself, but how you FEEL about it. If you are AWARE of those emotions, you can alter them. Most people are not aware when they feel angry or impatient; this is where a coach brings awareness to the client. You are not changing the situation, you just help to shift the emotions attached to the situation.
What is a Suffering State?
In a suffering state, the person has low energy levels, which can be shown as stress, worry, fear, frustration, anger, jealousy, boredom, impatience, sadness, etc. People tend to disconnect from others and get into their own heads with negative thoughts.
The levels of serotonin, and dopamine decrease, the person feels unmotivated, and in severe cases, it can lead to depression.
The level of intelligence seems to drop, which means making decisions while in a suffering state, is most likely to worsen the situation. People tend to react to things while in a suffering state, whereas they tend to respond while in a beautiful state.
For example, if someone cuts off another driver on the road, there are two typical outcomes:
1) People in a beautiful state stay indifferent or compassionate about the other driver (“He must be in a hurry…”).
2) People in a suffering state may turn into road raged devils and think evil thoughts or even do something stupid that can put themselves and others in danger. This person is most likely to stay angry long after the short event is over.
Notice that the event is the same; it is how YOU see it while in the situation.
So What’s My State?
The two states are a consequence of your thoughts regarding a situation and past experiences, not only the current event. Significant Emotional Events (SEE) from your past has a lot to do with how you react or respond to what is happening in the present. Many SEE formed during your childhood period at home and school. The emotions related to these events came from the meaning you attached to them, most likely, unconsciously.
For example, if a colleague at work told you that your presentation was vague, and you missed the target. You can be grateful for the feedback and try to improve your performance. That means you value the input as a positive thing and that you are in a beautiful state despite the lousy presentation.
On the other hand, if you feel resentment and frustration about the feedback, it means you are in a suffering state. Probably due to previous situations where you made meaning of criticism to such input. This suffering state causes you not only to resist to change your presentation skills, but you are also upset with the colleague, and probably other people you may encounter later on.
Awareness is the key here. If you are aware of the state you are in, it is easier to modify it. By connecting to your emotions, you can sense a suffering state rising. It may be hard for a person to notice those feeling as they evolve. However, an intuitive coach should articulate to the client the observation and shift of energies.
How to Switch Between States?
You can choose in which state to be at any given time. It is a decision rather than a circumstance; it is about how you see the world. The difference between the two states is your emotions and thoughts.
For example, Jacky insulted Sandra in front of people she cares about. Sandra feels hurt and angry; she craves revenge. This anger is within her, waiting for the right time to strike.
It is like she is holding a rock in her hand. Sandra wants to through it on Jacky to hurt him. She is holding this rock very tightly and for a long time. The rock starts to hurt her hand. The anger and pain distract her from the positive things around her. Sandra is in a suffering state but she is not aware of it.
As soon as she acknowledges the state, she can start to let go of the rock. Sandra begins to realize that hurting Jacky will not help anyone. Now she is shifting toward the beautiful state. She starts to analyze what had happened. It’s possible that the insult wasn’t that bad; actually, she may misunderstand what Jacky said. Sandra forgives Jacky and moves on with her life. Now she is in a beautiful state; she let go of the rock and the anger is gone.
When the client acknowledges a suffering state, he/she can go deeper within to find what triggered it. The client may not have control over the adversity, but he/she can decide how to deal with it. It’s the thoughts that cause stress, not the event itself. When you question the thoughts, you break the pattern and eliminate the suffering state.
How to Get into a Beautiful State?
Probably the most critical decision anyone should make in life is deciding to live in a beautiful state no matter what happens. As a coach, you may help the client explore the root of suffering.
Here are some elements to consider:
1. Gratitude. Living in gratitude means taking the time to think about the good things in life and appreciate them. The two primary emotions that trigger suffering state are anger and fear. These two emotions cannot coexist in the presence of gratitude. Help the client to find things that he/she can be grateful for right now, no matter what the circumstances are.
2. Thoughts. Help the client to shift negative thoughts such as limiting beliefs, self-critic, etc into empowering thoughts, such as “I’m good enough”, “I can do this”. Strive to be present in the now and recognize the possibilities in any situation, no matter how bad it may seem at first. The human brain appears to be more creative and resourceful when thinking positively about whatever adversity is at hand. Positive thinking is strongly related to a beautiful state.
3. Environment. The clients should eliminate the negative people in their lives. The ones who suck their energy and cause them suffering – replace them with positive people; the ones that are already in a beautiful state.
“You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With.” —-Jim Rohn
4. Responsibility. It is easy to blame others for one’s misfortune. However, the client can act as a leader who finds solutions as opposed to a victim who blames others. Leaders look forward with a positive attitude (beautiful state) vs. victims who look around to blame others or wait to be rescued (suffering state).
6. Exercise. Physical activity helps release chemicals in the brain that boost creativity, clarity, and resourcefulness. It also improves mental and physical health. Encourage clients to incorporate physical activity into their lives. One is more likely to be in a beautiful state if the body and mind are healthy and strong.
7. Perspective. As a coach, you may suggest the client another aspect of the situation, such as a helicopter view, to make the client think differently about the issue at hand, preferably from a beautiful state.
8. Incantations. Affirmations are positive self-talk to build one’s confidence and motivation. Incantations take affirmations to the next level by embodying them. By physically activating your body with movement and powerful wording, it is easier to get to a peak state AKA beautiful state. Tony Robbins does it every morning and before going on stage. It’s a simple way to empower oneself no matter what’s ahead.
9. Language. Simple wording replacement can help to change a suffering state into a beautiful state. For example:
Instead of saying “I’ve never done it before.” >>> Say “It’s an opportunity to try something new.”
Instead of saying “There’s no way it will work.” >>> Say “I can do my best to make it work.”
The Impact of Suffering State
Even though traumatic life events are a leading cause of anxiety and depression of people, it is the way a person thinks about the event that raises the stress levels. In other words, it isn’t just what happened that matters, but how the person thinks about it that shapes it into a suffering or a beautiful state.
Successful people see adversities as an opportunity to learn and grow because they have a growth mindset of a leader.
Quitters see difficulties as an excuse to give up because they have a fixed mindset that blames the world.
The inner critic voice and self-blame, feed one’s limiting beliefs. This voice disempowers the client and reduces the motivation to overcome obstacles. The primitive mind works to keep us “safe” inside a miserable yet familiar feeling.
It is essential to be aware of the client’s state. If the client acknowledges that he/she is in a suffering state, the transition to a beautiful state can accrue. While in a beautiful state, the level of intelligence is higher. Hence, the client can come up with creative solutions and make responsible decisions as compared to when he/she is in a suffering state.
As coaches, it is our duty to allow the client to achieve the best possible outcome. It is a conscious choice of how to view the adversities that come upon a person.
From the beautiful state, one can think more clearly and evaluate the options more effectively to achieve better results.
Gratitude is the antidote to anger and fear, which governs the suffering state. Being grateful shifts you to a beautiful state. More ways to avoid suffering state may include avoiding negative thoughts and toxic people, take responsibility, be physically active, practice incantations, create useful habits and use constructive language.