If We Don't Deal With Our Stuff, Our Stuff Will Deal With Us!
Posted on July 27, 2024 by Jerry Henderson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Are you a high achiever? I definitely got wired to be a high achiever. How has being a high achiever affected your personal happiness?
I’m a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma. I grew up in US poverty, lived on the welfare system, and attended 17 different schools growing up. All of this “stuff,” as I always called it, wired me to create a life to overcome my origin story.
I went on to obtain multiple degrees (I am currently seeking another master’s degree in Psychology at Harvard University; some habits die hard), spent my career in the not-for-profit sector serving the marginalized, had a beautiful family, and raised over $1 billion USD for the cause of global poverty. By all accounts my outward life was successful. Not bad for a kiddo coming from those beginnings.
However, my internal world was a completely different story and all of that undealt with “stuff” began rushing to the surface.
In an 18-month period, I had a heart attack and open-heart surgery at the age of 48, went through a second divorce, and had two stays in rehab for alcohol abuse.
My drive to achieve was coming from a profoundly unhealthy place, and no amount of achievements was washing away the feeling that I was carrying inside. However, I just kept telling myself I could “figure it out.”
I didn’t know that my drive to achieve was rooted in the motivation for acceptance, more accurately, for self-acceptance.
If I could achieve enough, then I would be acceptable, and then maybe I could finally accept myself. This unconscious narrative was the motivation running in the background and driving my actions.
I am happy to say that after hard work, coaching, and therapy, I was able to deal with the “stuff” and find a place of deep healing.
Am I still wired for achievement? You bet, but it is from a happier, healthier, and more sustainable place that is grounded in self-acceptance and self-compassion.
If you can relate to this post and would like to work with somebody to find a healthier and more sustainable way to achieve your goals, feel free to contact me.
I work 1:1 with high achievers to create a happier and more sustainable life that is grounded in self-acceptance and self-compassion as they achieve their goals.
Jerry
