You are NOT a couple with a Marriage Problem
Posted on July 02, 2016 by Jeeva and Sulojana Sam, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
When couples focus on attacking their "marriage" problems without addressing the personal problems they brought into the marriage...they will fail.
Couples often seek help to resolve their “marriage” problems."
My wife Sulojana and I used to do that as well, until we came to the realization that…
We were NOT a couple with marriage problems, but two individuals with our own personal problems coupled in a marriage. This revelation transformed our marriage for good.
We realized that two people who were burdened internally with the weight of their own issues could never make solutions to “marriage” problems work externally.
Why? Because the internal personal problems of the two individuals in the marriage would crop up and sabotage the external solution.
Let me illustrate.
We used to have a “marriage problem” with finances, especially with budgeting and debt. We applied what we learned in seminars we attended and books we read. We even used software designed to bring about a resolution.
Nothing wrong with any of those means to address the problem, mind you. They were all sound. The only problem was that we couldn’t make any of them work with any consistency long-term.
Then we realized that what was responsible for our financial problem was not external, but internal. It had to do with past hurts that were unhealed.
Some of those hurts came from those outside our marriage. There were also lots of hurts that we had inflicted on each other, mostly with harsh words and callous attitudes. You see, we had allowed calluses to develop in our hearts toward each other.
What looked like a financial problem on the outside was actually a spiritual problem on the inside. We went through a spiritual cleansing process that removed the roots of that conflict. We chose to forgive each other and all who hurt us along the way.
Now that our spirits were free from those roots, our hearts became softer and our wills more flexible. Then we began to deal with the “marriage problem” of finances very differently. We still have debt, but we now work with a written budget with no conflict whatsoever.
Can you relate? Perhaps you too are trying to attack a “Marriage Problem” only to discover that you cannot make a solution stick. Please add your comment.
If this is a persistent problem that has pushed you to the verge of a breakdown in your marriage, we can provide the mentorship you need to achieve the breakthrough you desire.
Book a free consultation with us to see if you’re a good fit for what we offer.
