In Praise Of Those Who Say, "I Need Help."
Posted on February 18, 2023 by Bryan Yates, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.
After "I love you," saying "I need help" may be the most powerful and empowering three words we can say out loud.
We tend to quickly praise those who seemingly get things solved on their own. The idea of complete self reliance is a seductive myth. We ought to be equally as quick with our praise for those who ask for help. After “I love you,” saying “I need help” may be the most powerful and empowering three words we can say out loud.
Asking for help is hard. It forces us to to turn down the volume on our ego attachments, makes us step out from behind our self projections, and requires us to be more seen by the world. It makes us vulnerable, because we risk the judgement of others … or worse, ourselves. We postpone asking for help in a deep way by doing it in superficial ways, seeking answers in apps, watching Youtube videos, scrolling posts, or tuning into the latest podcasts. Anything to avoid:
1. Disappointing our parents, employers, co-workers, or other authority figures in our lives. (latent approval seeking is a diabolical f#@ker)
2. That feeling of being found out that we don’t have all the answers.
3. Facing our own limitations and imperfections.
Somehow, we sub-consciously trap ourselves in the fantasy and fallacy that people we deem successful are getting it on their own. We subtly tell ourselves that we have to earn our worthiness of receiving help.
When we ask for help, we become open to the possibility of connecting with other people in a very human way. Getting out of our own fear of asking, we increase our potential for meaningful collaboration. Moreover, in the asking, we are giving. We are opening up the opportunity for another person to make themselves available, to let let their light through, to be a bit more human. Avoiding asking is a form of self sabotage. Doing so means we are willingly blocking ourselves off from our untapped potential.
I often coach business owners, endurance athletes, organizational managers, and busy touring musicians to approach their inner lives with a more … well … athletic kind of thinking/feeling. On the surface, this can get misconstrued “no pain, no gain.” That’s not at all what it’s intended. Rather, it’s about understanding that smart athletes keep active support structures around them that are designed to help. It’s about rewiring behavioral patterns that keep us doing the same things over and over, finding ourselves on the same plateau of results, and feeling the the same way. It’s about finding new ways of thinking and feeling that energize us to move forward and perform better with greater authenticity.
So, if you’re asking for help today, outstanding! I’m here to help.
