Middle-Aged Male Disconnection

Posted on April 17, 2023 by Bryan Yates, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.

A few weeks ago, I started talking about middle-aged male disconnection. It first came up for me in a powerful conversation I had while reconnecting with an old friend on a bike ride. We described to one another our journeys, work, marriages, and lives over the past decade. When he dropped that idea on me, I felt a lightbulb begin to flicker. A few days later, it came up again (unprompted) in a conversation with an entirely different friend.  The coincidence contextualized some things I experienced in my own emotional and professional life a few years ago. 

Both men are smart, self aware, emotionally intelligent, spiritually inquisitive, thriving business owners. They lead, manage, and explore with great empathy. So, I wasn’t exactly surprised to hear them speaking with clarity and depth about middle-aged male disconnection, which a colleague describes as feeling “Together Alone.” What did surprise me was some of the research that’s been going on around this concept. A 2019 study in Ireland, for example, found that the highest rate of suicide was in men 40-59. 

Here’s the thing. Men are typically truly unskilled at identifying—let alone talking about—these kinds of inner blockages. Here are some signs of emotional disconnection:

✅ Social Isolation & Depression
✅ Increased Alcohol or Drug Use
✅ Weakened Immune System
✅ Negative Self-Talk
✅ Loss of Purpose

Anything resonating there?  

As a coach who’s worked with countless athletes as well as business executives, I know that LONELINESS is a critical blockage to how we perform in sport, work & life. It creates an impossible psychic weight to be carried when we really want to be performing with an emotional lightness. It is one of the BIG 4 in the H.A.L.T acronym (Hungry, Agitated, Lonely, Tired).

On May 17, I’m starting a new men’s coaching feedback group and community called The Inner Circle. It is a solution-focused crew designed to counteract Isolation with authentic connection

I’ve talked about this quote many times before: “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.” Healthy connection is also the antidote to isolation. It is the catalyst for momentum. 

in health,

Bryan